Please, don’t step on the bacon.

Just when I thought I’d gotten all the wander out of my weekend, I get a text from my good friend Shanza: “care to wander?” Why, yes. Enter the day. And what an extraordinary day. We hit the Champaign streets with an anything-goes-beatnik-philosophy fervor. And, as you may be able to tell from the images I procured during the journey, there were some interesting things to be found along the way:
Stairs that led to nowhere. On top of a porn shop. Talk about transcendence. / An abandoned teddy-bear wet from rain – empty solo cup nearby. I tell you: kids these days are drinking younger and younger. / A window shop with as much behind the glass as in front of it.
But the highlights of the day really came from elsewhere. Thanks to my company sharing an equally adventurous outlook on the day (Shanza quickly picking up on what is by now a mantra of mine: “det går” or “it goes”) , we explored countless nooks at crannies of downtown Champaign – many of which, even after several expeditions into the downtown wilderness, were yet new to me. We spent what seemed like hours in the Jane Addams Book Shop (I swear, this place is an adventure in itself). This stop resulted in a quick monetary transaction and the acquisition of two quite priceless books: Please, Don’t Step on the Bacon and Please Don’t Step on the Eggs, Either. These were released by the epitome of beatniks: Clair Horner (this being one of two articles I could even find about the man) – sexist, humorist, atheist extraordinaire. No one knows what happened to Clair. But here are some of his words:
“I’m old-fashioned for new-fashioned reasons.”
“I’m the kind of guy who finds blueberries on Blueberry Hill.”
and
“She’d look good with a brain.”
His books are goldmines of the obscure and absurd – many of his writings even odder than the bits I’ve shared, topics covering politics, relationships, sex, suicide, abortion, sex, religion, the atom bomb and war. And who knows what more. After these books, what more could I want? How about finding The Fiery Furnaces’ Remember album on vinyl? That is a 2-hour set of… whatever it is kind of music they play.
After wandering for near half of the day, we finally slumped down at the apartment a, hit play on the FF vinyl (placed the needle, whatever), and settled in to the surprise that was Clair Horner. What a day, indeed.
Just when I thought I’d gotten all the wander out of my weekend, I get a text from my good friend Shanza: “care to wander?” Why, yes. Enter the day. And what an extraordinary day. We hit the Champaign streets with an anything-goes-beatnik-philosophy fervor. And, as you may be able to tell from the images I procured during the journey, there were some interesting things to be found along the way:
But the highlights of the day really came from elsewhere. Thanks to my company sharing an equally adventurous outlook on the day (Shanza quickly picking up on what is by now a mantra of mine: “det går” or “it goes”) , we explored countless nooks at crannies of downtown Champaign – many of which, even after several expeditions into the downtown wilderness, were yet new to me. We spent what seemed like hours in the Jane Addams Book Shop (I swear, this place is an adventure in itself). This stop resulted in a quick monetary transaction and the acquisition of two quite priceless books: “Please, Don’t Step on the Bacon” and “Please Don’t Step on the Eggs, Either.” These were released by the epitome of beatniks: Clair Horner (this being one of two articles I could even find about the man) – sexist, humorist, atheist extraordinaire. No one knows what happened to Clair. But here are some of his words:
“I’m old-fashioned for new-fashioned reasons.”
“I’m the kind of guy who finds blueberries on Blueberry Hill.”
and
“She’d look good with a brain.”
His books are goldmines of the obscure and absurd – many of his writings even odder than the bits I’ve shared, topics covering politics, relationships, sex, suicide, abortion, sex, religion, the atom bomb and war. And who knows what more. After these books, what more could I want? How about finding The Fiery Furnaces’ Remember album on vinyl? That is a 2-hour set of… whatever it is kind of music they play.
After wandering for near half of the day, we finally slumped down at the apartment a, hit play on the FF vinyl (or set the needle, or whatever), and settled in to the surprise that was Clair Horner. What a day, indeed.
P.S. I need a new camera.
P.P.S. I digg this: great job, Pizza Hut.
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One Response to Please, don’t step on the bacon.

  1. Pat says:

    Sounds like a good day dude. I spent my day off yesterday entirely in my apartment sleeping in, drinking tea, and reading. My next day off I swear I’ll do some wandering, which will include checking out the Hutchinson public library. Word. … I also dig the isosceles triangles pizza hut thing.

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