On Tallinn, Estonia.

As some of you may be aware from my last post announcing it, I went with a group of 30-something other exchange students on a cruise to Tallinn, Estonia, this weekend.  In other words: booze cruise to a country boasting precious little in the way of sightseeing except for a dozen or so churches and a shorefront of liquor stores.  First I’ll throw a few sparse details your way, then give you some photos and you can fill in the blanks.

Since my memory of the actual cruise is a little fuzzy, we’ll start with a description of Tallinn.  The main attraction is supposedly their town square.  So when we arrived, we disembarked based on level of hangover.  I made it into the early-risers group with three of my Irish friends (Áine, Anna, Eolann) and a Peruvian girl (Silvana — didn’t know her name the entire weekend until we bought our return train tickets together.  whoops!).  Anyway, so this group of mine hit the town square straightaway.  And by straightaway I mean after stopping in a maritime museum (called the Fat Margaret) and in a very somber church where Anna sat down at the piano to have a play, ringing Boogie Woogie into the rafters, then scaring a bunch of Estonian schoolchildren.  Great job!

So, right, then off to the town square to find a spot of food with which to fend off our collective hangover.  This was, of course, a mistake.  The minute we set foot on town square ground we got harassed from every which way by shop owners imploring us to “You buy!  You buy!”  In a desperate attempt to ward off the harassers, Eolann told one of the men after shouts of “You like pizza?  You buy my pizza.  Eat.  You buy!” that, “No thank you, we don’t like pizza.”  Mere moments later we passed what was apparently his shop to check the prices (cheap is why we were in Estonia in the first place) only to have the man come over and yell, “Why you say you not like pizza?  You come to the same fucking place anyway!”  Turns out the prices were horrible and we did not, it would seem, end up at the same fucking place anyway.  Instead we ambled over to the fine fine establishment known only as the Texas Honky Tonk Cantina.  The food was rotten, but the prices were low enough.  It should be noted here that the Irish also found the token Irish pub.  It advertised a proper dinner roast, but the door was locked, taunting us with music emanating from within.  Later, when we got lost and found the Irish embassy, we found more locked doors.  Useless.

I think some other things happened, but I can already feel my narrative structure falling to pieces.  Plus I’m hungry.  So here’s some pictures:

At some point during the boat ride I got to cast a message in a bottle into the sea.  Hopefully someone posts that video up onto YouTube so everyone can see how awesome I am at throwing bottles.  Into the sea.  Anyway, it read, “Dear friends, we are 31 Erasmus students from Sweden going to Estonia.  If you find this come to Uppsala to party with us! <3 Love, A bunch of Spanish, Greek, Irish, and a few others.”  I’m a few other!  Woo!

Oh, and the best part of the entire trip was actually on the train ride back.  We got sat in front of the toilet.  And it made space noises anytime someone used it.  Nothing like being five years old again.

Listening to: Circuitry of the Wolf, Mew


9 Responses to On Tallinn, Estonia.

  1. kaistevenson says:

    Sounds like a pretty good time. And, from the looks of it, your going to need a new liver before you come back stateside. Good thing Estonia looks like it might have a black market.

  2. kaistevenson says:

    Or… you’re, as it may be…

  3. samantha says:

    Woo, sounds like a blast. That video popped up on my facebook feed this morning. Hilarious.

    • Garrett Traylor says:

      My first hate-mail! I’m on my way to the big time! Poetry win.

      • Triin says:

        While your comment in my blog left a good impression of you, this post about Tallinn is very boring indeed. It’s offensive to me as an Estonian. I’m not surprised no-one smiled in Tallinn, people can’t stand arrogant Americans. Sense of humour is a separate question.
        I would never go to the town hall square, because it’s full of tourists. It’s a place to take a look and walk past it.

        Thanks about you comment in my blog! If you can send this copy of research about place meanings, I would love to read it!

        You gave me a good idea, I’m gonna check Bergman’s videos in my university’s library tomorrow. The last I have seen is The Seventh Seal, loved it. Watched it in cinema in London.

  4. Pat says:

    Epic. Reading of your adventures makes me yearn for adventuring. Can’t wait to join you for a spell this summer. Cheers.

  5. Marla says:

    Looks cold. Where r all the peasants?

    • Garrett Traylor says:

      It was cold. More light than in Sweden, though. And the peasants are spread about inside the millions of churches of Tallinn.

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